Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
