Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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