i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
