Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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