I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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