remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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