my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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