I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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