with your own penis?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
