Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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