She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
