dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
