when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
