big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
