the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
pray to the hookup gods
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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