i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i dont even know how to be here
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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