Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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