i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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