just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
