Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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