Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The air was thick with penises
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize