Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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