Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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