I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
