I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
