you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
