One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
