I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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