I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
