She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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