I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
