On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
