tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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