Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
