Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
