So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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