i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
