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Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
