Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
