A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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