Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
