Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
do nipples grow back?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
