I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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