did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
