You surviving the open bar?
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I think my fart just growled at me.
we made out on top of his cat.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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