hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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