You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
