I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
