At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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