I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
