bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
