2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
