Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
