Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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