Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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