You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
