I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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