sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize