I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
