Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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