Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
