Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
