Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
