I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
